A strong-willed child can have many positive characteristics. Studies have shown that strong-willed children are often more confident and courageous. They’re likely to stand up for themselves and what they believe in. They’re also more likely to be high achievers and strong leaders.

While it’s great to look ahead at what your child's future might hold, it probably doesn’t help when you feel like you're constantly battling them now.

For all of the positives strong-willed kids have, parenting them isn’t a walk in the park.

If it feels like you can’t ever get an inch with your child and tensions are always high in your household, take a deep breath. There are some helpful and effective tips you can put into practice right away that can make a big difference.

1. Be Tender and Gentle

It’s tempting to enter into a battle of wills with your child. You might be tired and frustrated more often than not, and want to lay down tough disciplinary actions. But, consider taking a different approach.

No matter how strong-willed your child is, they still look to you for guidance. They will still learn from your example. Show kindness, tenderness, and gentleness, even when it’s hard to do. Setting that example can help them calm down and teach them how to be gentle themselves, especially when they aren’t necessarily getting their way.

2. Give Opportunities for Leadership

Strong-willed kids often have selfish desires, so they need to be redirected. Teach them that their willingness to be courageous and speak up is a good thing when it’s used positively.

One of the best ways to do that is by giving them opportunities to be leaders, even for a short period of time. That could be something as simple as letting your child babysit their sibling while you fold laundry. It could be letting an older child decide the itinerary for one day on a family vacation.

These small moments of leadership will show your child that they can use their strengths and desires for good.

3. Focus On Discipline, Not Punishment

When you’re frustrated and exhausted, it’s easy to give in to knee-jerk punishments. Maybe you’ve spanked your child, sent them to their room, or taken away something they love for a period of time. Those can work as short-term solutions. But you’re really not teaching your child anything, and you could do more harm than good.

Instead of punishing your strong-willed child for their behaviors, discipline them in ways that will allow them to learn and grow. Was your strong-willed teen mean to someone? Have them write a letter of apology. Did your younger child refuse to eat dinner? Have them wash the family dishes for a few days.

Discipline creates growth. Not only will your child be less likely to act out in those specific ways again, but they’ll understand how choices have consequences.

4. Set Rules and Stick to Them

Just because a child is strong-willed doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be expected to follow rules. Everyone in your house should understand the rules (and they should be age-appropriate). If one gets broken, there needs to be a consequence, and the rule needs to be revisited.

This might seem excessive, but it teaches your child that they don’t always get to give in to their desires and wants when there are rules in place that might prevent those things. It’s setting them up for greater success in the future as they learn the importance of rules and boundaries.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed right about now, it’s understandable. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself, and use some of these tips to foster a more harmonious household with a strong-willed child. Reach out to us to learn more about parenting counseling and how it can help you.